Thursday, January 31, 2013

Old School Romance

I am not much of a doodler, but today during a community Bible study I attend on Thursday mornings my mind wandered during the lesson and I found myself making swirlies and 3D boxes on the border of my notebook. The next thing I wrote was Grant's name, surrounded in hearts and boxed in with a thick black border and triangles on the corners.

It was straight up 7th grade who's your boyfriend of the week affection.

And as I sat there looking at his name and making it more bold with outlines and more hearts, I realized that I was getting butterflies in my stomach. Thinking about the man attached to that name and the fact that he was MY man. His fantastic beard, his love of a good book and an even better cocktail, the way he washes Pursy's hair during bath time with such serious devotion, and the way he still asks me to sit on the toilet (closed) while he takes a shower- just to talk to him. All of that good stuff and piles more- it's all him, and thus it's all mine.

I thought about the first time I doodled his name in my journal. I was 22 years old, dating a 33 year old man named Craig Lockhart who lived in a condo and owned a cat named Smokey, just trying to have a good time seeing what was out there- man wise. I didn't know that people like Grant existed, but not long after I met him I wrote his name in my journal. Swirley and bold, just like today.

I also tried out my name with Craig's...

Christy and Craig Lockhart. Christy Lockhart. CML. C&C Lockhart. Christy McCoy Lockhart

And in the corner, very small and almost hesitant, I wrote Christy Martsolf. I remember that writing it felt naughty at the time. I hardly knew Grant and had been with Craig for 6 months. We were happy and I wasn't actively looking around. I certainly wasn't thinking about getting married.

But then came you.

 My hands shake
My knees quake
It's every day
The same way.
Cos then came you.
Then there's you.
I keep your picture
In my worn through shoes.
Then there's you.
Then came you.
When I'm lost,
I look at my picture of you.

And somehow
I'll make tonight our own
I'll show you every way I've grown
Since I met you

And right now
I'll be the boy in your next song
I'll learn the parts and play along
If you let me.

If you let me,
I'll show the world to you.
Yes, if you let me,
I'll know just what to do.

Cos then came you.
Then there's you.
I keep your picture
In my worn through shoes.

When I'm lost
In your eyes
I see a way for me 
-Joshua Radin

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