Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Delusions of Being a Cool Kid

Every once in a while, Grant and I will be driving somewhere and ask the other person "Does this (jacket, shirt, hairstyle, etc) make me look cool?". Of course when you are not the person asking the question, it sounds ridiculous. We are early 30's well educated parents of two children in a respectable home, jobs and circle of friends. We are not overtly dysfunctional or unable to handle real life. According to Maslov's hierarchy, we should have left the need to "look cool" behind in high school.

But it lingers. And is exacerbated mostly by hipsters. I really wonder how I can be self-conscious when (we call him Trader Joes' Short Pants Guy) walks around so confidently in a pair of gray skinny jeans obviously made for a young teen girl or a slim middle school boy. But I find myself with the passing thought "I bet that guy is really cool" because he just doesn't seem to care. Or maybe he cares way too much but just knows that there is nothing he could possibly do once he has left the house to make the pants any longer or any less snug. So maybe he leaves quickly before he changes his mind and just goes confidently to work, releasing himself of any option to second guess his choices.

Either way, I bet he is really cool.

So here is my attempt to put on my too-small gray pants and leave the house quickly before I change my mind. Here is my list of personal facts or admissions that either make me a huge dork or cooler than Short Pants Guy because I am letting them see the light of day.

1. My first concert was Yanni. Long haired, glorious mustached, white linened, no need for a second name music king of the 90's. This secret I have carried around all of my adult life was a huge reason why I took Pursy to her first concert when she was 11 days old and made sure it was unbelievably awesome. She won't remember it, but she heard Matt and Kim and Titus Andronicus play an outdoor concert at Penn State. Purslane, your teenage self will thank me.

2. My first crush was on David Bowie in Labyrinth. Does anyone remember that cult classic? Jennifer Connelly plays a teenage girl who wishes her little brother would disappear and he ends up being kidnapped by the Goblin King- a white tights and fur half coat wearing Bowie. My friend Sarah and I used to watch it over and over in her living room and giggle everytime he walked across the screen in those tights. If you don't know or can't imagine what I am talking about, go watch the movie. You should actually go watch it anyway- Grant found me a DVD at a consignment shop a few years ago and it is one of my prized possessions.

3. I have a very strange and very limited manifestation of OCD. I count letters in signs and billboards, add them up and try to make it divisible by 3. (???) If the natural number is not divisible by 3, I will add in the spaces between the words. If that doesn't work, I start to get anxious and have to look away from the sign. My favorite number is 27 because it is divisible by three but also if the numbers 2 and 7 are added, it is divisible by 3. It is a perfect number and makes me feel very happy.

4. I stir all hot beverages with chopsticks. This can be a cute and quirky habit of mine, until I am somewhere without access to chopsticks and have to stir the cream in my coffee with a spoon. It feels awkward and diminishes my enjoyment of the beverage.

I think those are the biggies. "Grant, does this make me look cool?"

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