Thursday, May 24, 2012

A Letter to Purslane and Knox

Purslane Claire and Knox Thomas Steele:

You know I love you, right? You know I ate and drank only good things while your body was forming inside mine because I didn't want anything to hurt you and I wanted you to be strong and healthy when you met the world. You know I felt every moment of my labor and delivery with you because I thought it was best for both of us to go without medication. You know I got up with you in the middle of the night and sweated under a blanket to cover myself in public and cried with sore nipples because I wanted you to have all the benefits of breastfeeding. You know I stopped working to stay home with you because I wanted to invest myself in helping you grow up. You know I packed away my cutest clothes and shopped at Target exclusively because I needed cheap big girl clothes to wear while I was pregnant and then after when I had the leftover bits that hung over my waistband when I sat down.You know that I let you sleep in my bed inbetween my husband and me while you were going through separation anxiety and cried when you were alone in your crib.

I don't need a thank you from either one of you. But I do want you to know that I love you more then you will ever know. And I know someday when I am not letting you do whatever you want you will accuse me of not loving you. You will tell me I am mean and unfair and all the other Moms are cooler then me. And I will stand my ground and tell you that I do in fact love you and then I will go in my bedroom and cry and pray for these teenage days to pass quickly. Because I want you to know every moment of every day of your entire lives that I love you. I want you to know what I sacrificed to love you- not because I want to be thanked but because I want you to know I loved you that much. And in the way I love you, in the imperfect and limited way that humans can love, I want you to see the love of Jesus. And know that you are priceless beyond measure because you were created by Him and are a gift to us.

It sure doesn't hurt that when I look at your faces I will always see love reflected back at me. Both of you look so much like your Daddy. So if I smile when you are crying at me or yelling at me or arguing with me, it isn't because I am not engaging with your present feelings. It is because when I look at the two of you, I see the perfect image of the Love that Made You. You are the beautiful result of two people who will always love each other and always love you.

My Darlings- you are the second best decision I have ever made. The first was falling in love with your Dad. Then deciding it was the right thing to have you. You were anticipated and loved before I met you, and I am completely head over heels for you now. I love you like crazy.

Your Mama


2 comments:

  1. This is the sweetest post! Kids can never understand what Moms go through for them (until they have children of their own!).
    You have a completely gorgeous view of life, thank you for sharing it with us!

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  2. Love this so much! Your babes will think you're uncool, but that's ok. I thought my mom was so lame! Now I see that she did the greatest job. And I do thank her. So one day you may get a thank you. :) I hope I'm half the mom you are one day.

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