Sunday, October 23, 2011

If One is Good...

I listened to lots of advice from other parents about the moment when you see your first child after having a baby. They said Purslane would look so grown up, little girl-ish and in general much older then she did before we left for the hospital to birth Knox. I pretended to know what they meant. I nodded, smiled- and then congratulated myself on the fact that I knew she would still be my 18 month old baby girl running around in feety pajamas and loving her evening "bap" (bath) time with Dada. I instead focused on how I would manage two babies- both in diapers, both in car seats, both needing to be rocked to sleep.

I didn't plan on how intense she would all of a sudden seem to me. Her need to run and yell and jump off the bed a million times a minute has me completely stressed out. Trying to figure out where to put Knox so he is safe while I go chase after her because I told her not to do something and she didn't just ignore me- she did it with both hands TWICE in rapid succession (while looking directly at me) then ran away screaming with laughter while I tried to disentangle myself from the blankets while trying not to stress my recently very stressed lady parts. When did she become so complex? What used to take just a look now takes at least two rounds of stern voice followed by some kind of follow-up. Even reading books with her is intense. She has her favorites and wants them read 'gain and 'gain.

I am tired and frustrated. Overwhelmed with the importance of the job before me- TWO children to keep safe, teach kindness and grace and make sure are clothed and fed. They need to be stimulated, exercised, challenged, taught, loved, disciplined, encouraged, played with- and I still only have two arms. And Grant's Mom for another few days and then my Mom for a week. After that, it's just Grant and I- man to man defense.

I don't say all this to get sympathy. My life is full of kisses and snuggling and baby breath and laughing and crazy fun. But it is different now- Pursy and I will both have to get used to the reality that I have to split my attention now between her and Knox. And last night when I stood outside her door and cried while she cried in her crib because she wanted to be rocked a little longer and I needed to go feed crying Knox, I realized that having two children is going to be much harder then I ever thought. And probably more fun and more colorful then even I can imagine.

Pursy's first look at Baby Knox...
 Knox gets his first lesson on trucks... Pursy thought it was important to start early.
 She loved being at the hospital- so many things to explore...
 I love this picture- she looks like such a little imp.
 And all's right with the world.

1 comment:

  1. Dude. Violet still isn't acknowledging Henry's existence for more than 30 seconds a week. And she is going through a terribly nutty phase also. "Complex" is a good word to describe it. Anyway, recovering from pregnancy and childbirth is like climbing out of a well. Accept that you won't feel like yourself and soldier onward, acknowledging the awesome moments and during the bad ones know that it gets better every single day. I am still looking forward to the day my kids play together. You know, when she finally acknowledges Henry exists. Beautiful family! Congratulations.