I listened to lots of advice from other parents about the moment when you see your first child after having a baby. They said Purslane would look so grown up, little girl-ish and in general much older then she did before we left for the hospital to birth Knox. I pretended to know what they meant. I nodded, smiled- and then congratulated myself on the fact that I knew she would still be my 18 month old baby girl running around in feety pajamas and loving her evening "bap" (bath) time with Dada. I instead focused on how I would manage two babies- both in diapers, both in car seats, both needing to be rocked to sleep.
I didn't plan on how intense she would all of a sudden seem to me. Her need to run and yell and jump off the bed a million times a minute has me completely stressed out. Trying to figure out where to put Knox so he is safe while I go chase after her because I told her not to do something and she didn't just ignore me- she did it with both hands TWICE in rapid succession (while looking directly at me) then ran away screaming with laughter while I tried to disentangle myself from the blankets while trying not to stress my recently very stressed lady parts. When did she become so complex? What used to take just a look now takes at least two rounds of stern voice followed by some kind of follow-up. Even reading books with her is intense. She has her favorites and wants them read 'gain and 'gain.
I am tired and frustrated. Overwhelmed with the importance of the job before me- TWO children to keep safe, teach kindness and grace and make sure are clothed and fed. They need to be stimulated, exercised, challenged, taught, loved, disciplined, encouraged, played with- and I still only have two arms. And Grant's Mom for another few days and then my Mom for a week. After that, it's just Grant and I- man to man defense.
I don't say all this to get sympathy. My life is full of kisses and snuggling and baby breath and laughing and crazy fun. But it is different now- Pursy and I will both have to get used to the reality that I have to split my attention now between her and Knox. And last night when I stood outside her door and cried while she cried in her crib because she wanted to be rocked a little longer and I needed to go feed crying Knox, I realized that having two children is going to be much harder then I ever thought. And probably more fun and more colorful then even I can imagine.
Pursy's first look at Baby Knox...