I am a walking cliche. I am officially 38 weeks pregnant and willing to try anything to make this pregnancy end in my healthy and beautiful baby boy. I want to hold him, nurse him, listen to music with him, kiss his belly, and watch his Daddy and big sister introduce him to the world. I want to see if the ultrasound picture was accurate and he has Pursy's nose. I want to see this little heel that has been trying to lead the way out of my belly on the left side, right under my rib cage.
I know all the wives tales about inducing labor and am trying them all. Stop giving me knowing looks when I say that because yes, I do mean everything. Just about the only thing I haven't tried is castor oil, because if that doesn't work all I end up with is needing to run to the bathroom even faster then I already do. My co-workers have stopped trying to talk me out of doing things I physically shouldn't be doing and have joined me in my desire to go into labor. I have returned to lifting patients that I shouldn't be lifting, squatting to pull on compression stockings and pushing wheelchairs from the 4th floor to the 1st floor exit. I was "running" to a Code Blue last night and the doctor running beside me asked me to slow down. I reminded her that she at one point had a OB residency and maybe she needed a refresher course. No one seems to think I am as funny as I do. Every time my mother in law calls now, I answer the phone with some random birth-at-home scenario and congratulate her on her new grandson. She never laughs.
I have also started having labor and delivery dreams at night, so wake up in the morning feeling like I have already birthed quite a few babies and am surprised that I am still indeed pregnant. Quite a downer way to start the day... being bummed that it was only a dream.
On a less whiney note, in my rational moments I really don't feel sorry for myself and on the contrary am so thankful that my body is willing and able to carry babes to full term. I am taking advantage of my appetite and even though the pork BBQ sliders I ate earlier tonight are giving me wicked heartburn, they were crazy good. My greatest fear right now is going through labor again- the way it catches you off guard and starts you down a rabbit hole in which you cannot see the way or the bottom. The pain I know is coming makes me curl up if I let myself think about it too long. All I know for sure is the fantastic ending-and it is worth everything. Sweet baby boy- your Mama is a crazy person but I love you and cannot wait to meet you.