Wednesday, August 10, 2011

$150 Therapyapalooza

I just paid Target $150 for one hour of intense therapy. I actually consider this a bargain, as not only do I feel MUCH better, I also have two bags of merchandise to keep forever and ever. Here's what happened...

This morning I woke up and realized that I need new underwear. This pregnancy has required me to purchase at least two or three items every other week, as I am growing at an alarming rate. At 7 1/2 months I have no tank tops that fit (belly peeks out the bottom), my skirts are cutting off circulation and the flowy dresses that looked so cute on a 6 month belly now look like I am trying to fit into Pursy's clothes. I have also outgrown all my bras and any strapless clothing items immediately make me look like I should be heading for tryouts at The End Zone. I actually don't mind the growing belly- I am pregnant after all. The bigger rack is fun and I tease Grant about not looking me in the eyes any more. But bigger underwear is just more then I can handle some days- today being one of them.

I also had an OB appointment this morning where the reason for needing new underwear was confirmed by the 7 pound weight gain over the past 4 weeks. Therapy needed.

So I went to Target. Target has relatively inexpensive underwear that I won't feel bad burning in a backyard ceremony after I deliver this little man and hopefully my body begins it's gradual shrinkage. All I needed was underwear. And crayons for Pursy, who discovered them last week while having breakfast with a friend and they had to be pried from her octopus fingers.

Feeling enormous and sad, I walked into Target. And retail therapy began. I bought a cute skirt that caught my eye, an Eric Carle coloring book for Pursy, a dress, four maternity t-shirts and one pair of clearance jeans that I plan to cut off. I also purchased a large pack of diapers and jumbo crayons- just so I wasn't the only person with big girl sounding items in the cart. I stopped to get coffee on the way home, and Pursy got into the bags in the backseat. When I went to take her out of the car, she had a pair of my new undergarments in her lap- and it looked like she was sitting under a bedsheet. No help there.

I knew I needed to tell Grant that I had just spent 3 figures at Target before he saw the bank statement and filed for divorce. So like the mature and loving wife I am, I called him at work and when he answered blurted out "I just spent $150 at Target buying things to make myself feel better, I am going to take the money out of our savings account and there is nothing you can do about it". He hung up on me. So I called his mother. She loves both of us, so neither condoned me in my shopping spree nor criticized him in his reaction. She just laughed and said "pregnancy is a rough but temporary time".

Here is my prediction. My husband is a good man and will probably let me keep 75% of the clothes I bought. He will tell me I am a good Mom for buying our daughter things to stimulate her creativity and thank me for remembering to stock up on diapers. He is just good like that. In the meantime, I am going to start a load of laundry to wash my enormous underwear and thank God for the privilege of being a Mother.

1 comment:

  1. Whatever Grant says, I fully support you. A single counseling session would run you over $100, and just like you said, you have all these useful things now! Not only were you helping yourself, you were helping your whole family - what a good wife and mother you are!!