Tuesday, March 1, 2011

She Did it Again

I have discovered my arch-nemesis. She plagues every fiber of my being and irritates me beyond the ends of the earth. Her smile is plastic and disingenuous, her constant need for attention is grating, and her appearance on Sunday night at one of my most anticipated television events was the final straw. If we met in a dark alley I cannot promise she would leave intact.

I know so many people who think she is wonderful. They talk about her, quote her and read books endorsed by her "book club". They talk about all the humanitarian work she does and how fabulous it is that she is so transparent. I think she is a media whore who loves the sound of her own voice, and when Anne Hathaway announced at the Oscars that she was pleased just to "be able to breathe the same air" as this woman my antichrist radar went off.

What is so great about her? She gives away free Ipads, which I wouldn't turn down if she offered one to me. But she doesn't do ANYTHING without a camera following her, and this offends me. If you are going to help those less fortunate then yourself, why do the rest of us need to worship you for it? She reminds me of Sean Penn who spent 15 minutes in New Orleans after Katrina helping victims of the flooding, but took up most of the room in his boat with his camera crew who were documenting every second of his heroism. Give me a break.

I'm glad that she has been able to encourage some hurting people towards healing. Her entourage of gurus, wise men and sages always seem to have some pithy system for "10 steps to the perfect person". And I'm sure that every once in a while someone's tears last longer then her one hour talk show. But trying to make yourself a better person doesn't last. And the fact that she takes credit for any happiness that people experience is the ultimate narcissism.

She has ruined my guilty pleasure of looking at celebrity rags in the grocery store because her big smiley face is right there on her magazine. She has ruined my love of browsing bookstore because her table of Book Club novels is always in the front, and they stopped making the book club stickers and now print her name right on the book cover. And when she walked out on that stage to rousing applause and ruined the Oscars for me, I declared her my mortal enemy. Congratulations Oprah.