I used to joke during pregnancy whenever I would do or say something incredibly insensitive, random, hurtful or just amazingly bizarre that I was being "hormone hijacked". Now that I no longer have an enormous belly to prove that excuse legit, I am changing my term to "human nature hijack".
Basically what this means is that sometimes I am just a bad person.
I decided last night that it was time to begin taming my sarcastic and thoughtless tongue. Fortunately it was Sunday night, and Monday morning is the perfect time to begin any new habits. I went to bed ready to wake up a whole new woman- full of grace and with a kind word for all I meet.
What happened is predictable. Pursy had a bad night and woke up at 1AM, 3:30 and 6. I did beautifully at the 0100 feeding. I hummed gently in her ear and felt warm fuzzy feelings towards my sleeping husband as I let him slumber. At 0330 I was a little more cranky- particularly when Grant stumbled out of bed and came to us, simply to close the nursery door so he couldn't hear Pursy fussing- and I admit was a little rougher then necessary getting back into bed 90 minutes later when I finally got her back to sleep. At 0600 when Grant tossed her into bed with me and called over his shoulder "I have to get to work early- are you okay?" I was definitely awake enough to holler back "I am so annoyed with you- I know you woke her up slamming around the bedroom". His confused head popped back around the corner and he said again- "are you okay?"
Having already ruined my resolution, I snapped back that she was sound asleep until he started slamming the dresser drawers on his 55 year old dresser that sounds like a dying seal when the drawers are opened due to the significant number of pieces that have broken off and we don't want to replace because it was his fathers. He tried to convince me that she had been squeaking before that, but I was already cross. And now more bummed that my Monday morning was gone and I had to wait until next Monday to resolve to be a decent person again.
That is a human nature hijack, and fortunately we are reformed Presbyterians who believe in total depravity (step one of TULIP) and Grant can never argue with me that it is simply not my fault that my default setting is less then pretty. Fortunately for ME, he also loves me and accepts my apologies- every time.