"It is a big deal when you embrace the life you didn't plan on."
I turned 30 this April- 16 days before having my first child. Nine years ago I was engaged to a boy named Aaron and spending most of my time outside of school in my friend's apartment talking about Plato's "The Republic" and listening to Godspeed You Black Emperor. Eight years ago I was dealing with a broken heart, living in Denver working on a Bachelor's in Anthropology and planning on a semester abroad in New Zealand. I was a vegetarian, hadn't shaved my legs in 3 years, seeing (simultaneously) a theater major and a 32 year old computer guy with a condo and a cat. Seven years ago I was engaged to my current husband and we were planning on living abroad somewhere while I did ethnographies and he did international public health. Six years ago we were living in New Orleans on 22K/year, we had a dog named Jack and I was a nanny for a wealthy dual doctor family in Uptown. Five years ago after having our hearts broken by a wicked girl named Katrina we were living in Grant's parents house and I was spending most of my time watching the Food Network and trying my best to get out of bed every day. Four years ago we were living in DC and I was sleeping,eating and breathing a crazy intense second degree BSN program. I weighed 122 pounds and was running 3-5 miles every day while shopping at farmers markets, going to wine bars in the evening and taking the Metro to school. Three years ago we moved to central PA- a place I swore I would never live. We bought a big old 1890's house and decided that we would become that couple that embraced home improvement projects, make homemade soup all winter, and enjoy the small town life. Two years ago we discovered we were really urban people stuck in the small town life and were spending all of our free time out of our house traveling to the closest big city where we could ride public transportation and eat Thai food. Last year I got pregnant and had to take a hiatus from beer, riding my bike, wearing my favorite jeans, eating brie, and going through an entire day without throwing up anything I put in my mouth. Today I am still in my pajamas, my gorgeous daughter is happily in her swing next to me, I hung her diapers on the line this morning, and in about an hour I will try to take a nap with her before going in to work an evening shift at the hospital. I will eat a very American diet of cereal and coffee for breakfast, macaroni and cheese for lunch and some sort of sandwich for dinner. I most likely will not have a chance to read a book, listen to a record, make a candle, or have tea with a friend. But I accept my life and embrace it. I did not marry the abstract, artsy, fluid sort of man I tended to date- Grant is my solid piece and his passion for me and life will ensure that we never become the comfortable armchair to each other. I shave my legs now, eat an occasional hamburger and have to plan weeks in advance to travel with Purslane. It is not the life I thought I wanted 10 years ago but I cannot image being more content. I don't regret anything and I don't wish for anything else. I am loved and I love. And that is a big deal.